1. |
Warning
01:16
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Bust it
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2. |
Hail Mary
02:55
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I have my fathers eyes
And my mothers grin
And I’ve carried his name as a heavy burden
For 24 years I carried the blame
But there’s no love in a name
Maybe if I held on then you’d come back
You left us once, you left me twice
Replaced us with a white picket fence and nuclear love
You use that cross as a crutch
A crooked dagger just to sever the ties between us
a token problem child with slit wrists and tear stained cheeks
Thinking that all this time because I showed it I was weak
All I ever wanted was to be loved by you
Does my absence keep you awake at night
As you think about the person I am
Or have you accepted your shortcomings as a so called father
Am I even worth the time to take up that space in your mind?
I knew I was a mistake, I just wish you never said it to my face
I’m so sorry that I wished that you loved me
I’m so sorry that I want you around
Does this make me easier to love?
Knowing that I’ve become the better person
I’ve done this all on my own
No thanks to you
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3. |
Persephone
02:50
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I’ve tried to clean your scent off of me more times than I can count
My throat tired and raw from all the times I screamed and shouted no
Holding back this oppression in my chest
Because I know this will only stop
not when I want it, no, only when you say so
Got the grand prize of a hospital gown
2 weeks in the bin and 3 diagnoses
Pills to make it better and 6 years of “how are you feeling this week?”
And never feeling safe again
My body doesn’t feel mine
No bringing that innocence back.
I struggle to wrap my head around that.
This trauma was not created consensually.
It was created without my knowing and without my intent
Without my consent
I never had the privilege of ignorance being bliss
I asked why you aren’t listening and you didn’t hear me
Pleads falling on deaf ears
Don’t fucking say that you love me
The inner corners of the walls you invaded have been built back up
with an understanding of what it means to feel worthless.
It doesn’t matter if my skin heals, the imprints of your fingertips will always burn and crack the sensitive parts of me
forever more
The times I do remember what you did to me, I feel my ribs cracking, the ground breaking beneath me and the underlying aches are so strong.
I hate myself but I hate you so much more
How could I let you do that to me?
How could you do this to me?
Why did you do this to me?
I am still wrestling with whether or not this was my fault.
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4. |
How to Cope
01:01
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My self destruction knows nothing of convenience
You’ll get tired of me because I’m tired of me
I used to know me and I used to know my name
I don’t know the person that is staring back at me
All I know is they’re not good enough
I’m not good enough
Self medication and self deprecation
Leading to another night alone
Staring at the ceiling wondering how it feels to fall
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5. |
Second Chance
02:19
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Just like that you were gone
Left without a trace
My mind is playing catch up
And trying to find a way
to fill the empty space
I tried so hard to be the best I could for you
Tried to remove all the bad from me
To keep you through and through
I’m trying to kill my feelings off for you
So that when you come back
you’ll just be a stranger
I’ve wasted so much time begging
Wrapped up in myself
waiting for you to come home
I’d say your name over and over again
Another silent and ungranted prayer
No remorse
no second glance
No second chance
I’ll rip myself to shreds so that you can see my insides
Do you like watching me bleed for you?
I never noticed your razor blade fingers
until my skin was stained bloody and red
Cut it
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6. |
Can We Talk?
02:51
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If you can hear me out there
I wanted you to know I called you home
And with perfect timing and your hands around my waist
Everything was fine
And the world was okay
My demons fell asleep
Just as I soon will
Emotions killed
No chase there’s no thrill
Now I’m left with the fear of not wanting to be in my own skin
Because out of the blue, nothing feels right
If you can still hear me out there
You should know that I'm still weak at the knees
And I wish that I could run away
But I can't
And I'm so sorry for the poetry
I don't understand why I do these things to myself
It's mutually assured destruction
I'm just setting myself up to fail
Break me
I used to be so afraid of losing everything I loved
So I refused to love anything at all
And I don't know what hurts the most
Then, I wasn’t an option
Because you hate me for hurting you and that is much easier to deal with when I hate myself for the same thing.
Let us be honest now, we would have ended up this way and hating you would be even more painful than hating me
Your heartbeat was my favorite sound.
And i’d just hate to let you down
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SOLEMN JUDGEMENT Detroit, Michigan
solemn judgement is a band from detroit.
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